I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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