Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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