I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
