Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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