i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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