I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
