is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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