Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
