I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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