the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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