She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
