Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
