i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
