Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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