At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
