are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and she was petting her beer can
two words: eviction party
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
