I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize