I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
