There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
