it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
