brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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