My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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