So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
