Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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