How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
