genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
