By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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