I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
