This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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