The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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