I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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