The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
