Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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