you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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