I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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