The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
