Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
