I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize