Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
