Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The air was thick with penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
