operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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