The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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