Porn is love you can see.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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