i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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