I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
