you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize