is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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