And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
