if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
