3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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