So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
