I have demons in me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize