grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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