i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
