Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
