I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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