I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
