We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They took my balls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
