the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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