I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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