I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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